Reply to Parent in Hospice Says Death is Imminent Every Few Days

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[quote=Anonymous]OP back to weigh in for whatever it is worth.

- Mom is on wellbutrin, ativan, and haldol, but nothing is working to abate her fears.

- I know hospice will let me know when the time is truly near, assuming it is not sudden.  I cannot get mom to understand that, if she is able to make the call, it probably isn't happening, though, and it didn't seem kind to give her the blow by blow of the active death process.

- I am definitely struggling to handle these calls in particular because I do feel the urge to drop everything and go.  As I mentioned up the thread, I have three kids who have needs and a job as well, and the calls are especially emotionally draining in what is already a taxing situation.  For example, I ended up going last night and getting up a 4 this morning to work, which is why I'm just now taking a break to check in here.

- As one of the PPs mentioned, we have had the blessing of a long dying process (I moved her in the spring), so we have had a lot of time to have every talk, and I am grateful for that.  I have been nothing but kind to her - I rub her head when I visit until she falls asleep, I thank her for all she has done, I repeat that we are at peace and that I and my family are strong, etc.  It may well be that I am not capable of handling things, and I certainly feel like a failure.  I hope and pray, however, that my mom never senses anger or resentment from me because I do not feel those.  I feel sad, defeated, so tired, and so upset that she is having to live in her body and mind with fear and stress in her final days.

- On moving her to my home, I was just trying to be clear that this isn't an option.  Over the years, I had offered to move into a home with a mother-in-law suite so my mom would be closer and still have her independence.  She declined, which I understood.  When she was diagnosed and put into hospice quite suddenly, I didn't have the bigger house but I still offered to move her into our home.  She declined repeatedly, and it is clear from her interactions with my children that everyone involved would be miserable if I moved her into my home.  The noise from the kids is very stressful to her, which I completely understand, but it also is not realistic for say, a 5-year-old to only whisper in his own home.[/quote]

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