Reply to Parent in Hospice Says Death is Imminent Every Few Days

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Be at peace with knowing you’re doing the best you can.  I agree with the PP’s that she isn’t able to keep track of time or probably even days so it’s okay to tell her you’ll be right over then go over the following day if you can’t make it.  And you don’t have to stay with her for hours unless you want to for you. Her concept of time is skewed and I’ve read (and someone with actual knowledge can maybe confirm) that even 20 minute visits are substantial enough.

My mom doesn’t remember me camping out at her bedside when she was in the hospital and she doesn’t remember being in rehab at all.  As miserable as she portrayed herself to be at the time she forgot she was even there shortly after.  I haven’t forgotten and it was incredibly traumatizing for me, and I’ve had a lot of guilt that my care just isn’t enough.  But it actually is.  And so is yours.

On a side note my dad spent three weeks in a hospice facility before he passed.  We were with him ever day for several hours (and I also agree with the PP’s that if your mom is making calls she’s not very close yet).  My dad passed about an hour after we’d left one day.  I would swear he waited until we were gone.  It’s okay not to be there when they actually pass.
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[b]Your physical presence keeps them tethered to life.[/b]  My dad was almost comatose at home for three years. My mom looked after him like he was her child. Every night she would tell him "Please don't die at night when I am sleeping." He passed away in late morning with a smile on his face after she had fed him,  wiped his face, and then gone to open the front door because the doorbell rang.  [/quote]

At some point it’s okay to let them go.  When their own quality of life is non-existent keeping them here because will miss them when they’re gone becomes selfish.  [/quote]

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