Reply to Does anyone here have absolutely no relationship with their inlaws?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have minimal contact with the ILs.  It's awkward to be with them.  I'm not the DIL they dreamed of (different culture, religion, personality) and they just had a hard time getting over that.  12 years in, they have "accepted" that I am their DIL but we do not have a warm relationship.  Things were stable until kids came along--conflict has arisen because they on one hand say they want more contact with our kids and on the other, are really not capable of caring for them.  For example, they rarely visit (4 hour drive each way) but want us to drive our kids up (1 and 3 yo) and leave them for a week.  Their house is a deathtrap for kids and they refuse to babyproof so there is no chance this is happening and they are angry and accuse us of limiting contact.  I counter that they're free to come visit us any time, our door is open, and we do drive to them more than they do us.  There's no pleasing them and I've given up on trying.

The hardest part is that DH seems to expect them to change and is always upset when they're like this.  He has unrealistic expectations for them--really the expectations are reasonable but not for people like my ILs.  [/quote]

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