Reply to Nonstop fighting at Thanksgiving, how do I make it stop?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One thing to consider, OP:
[b]You have seen how your parents treat people who don’t toe the line.  That is how they will treat your children when your children are old enough to push back on things.  I would back off from this relationship by a lot.  [/b]

I know you said you can’t do a short visit because of distance, but make it a smaller part of a larger trip.  Go visit your family for a day or two, then spend a few days at the nearest big city or national park.  Or go but stay at a resort with lots of activities (I’m thinking Great Wolf Lodge sort of place) and tell them you’ll be over for dinner after a day of swimming or whatever, so you are there for 4 days but only for dinner.

Don’t visit more than twice a year, and space those out (like Thanksgiving and Easter for example).

When you go, assume that the house will be messy, everyone will be later than planned for everything (if reservations are involved, lie about the time), all that you need to let go.  BUT, you don’t have to let go of them putting you down.  If they are rude, say, “That was rude.  If you are going to speak to me that way we will leave.”  Then follow through.[/quote]

OP, I wrote earlier about going back to therapy (among other things), and I have been thinking about you.  The poster above brings up an important point.  More than your children pushing back on their grandparents, your children will push back on you.  And you may very well have a tough time with this (come join us in the tween/teen topic to see what I mean).  Right now you are not in a position to handle your own reaction to your kids when they push back.  You cannot put the basics in perspective with your parents.  It may seem like the teen years are far away but it's better to address these issues now rather than when you are in the thick of it.  (Dealing with my parents while I have moody teens makes dealing with either set much harder).[/quote]

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