Reply to Nonstop fighting at Thanksgiving, how do I make it stop?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP -- you say that you are ashamed of fighting in front of your kids -- why?  When people have conflict, they argue.  This is normal and appropriate, and there is nothing inherently wrong with it.  I think that there is a very weird idea in the US, that arguing is to be avoided or that it is some sort of strange failing.  Honestly, I would rather my kids see a respectful, non-violent argument than witness passive aggressiveness or awkward stony silence.  Arguing is an indication that something is important to you, that you know how to justify your actions, and that you have enough spine to stand up for yourself.  These aren't necessarily bad things to model.  [/quote]
My guess is that OP’s arguments involve loud yelling and that is what she is ashamed of.[/quote]
I don't know.  OP sounds so anxiety ridden - about her parents' home, their time management, her life choices, that I wouldn't be surprised if she interprets an ordinary argument or squabble as a "loud fight".  And who cares if there is a bit of yelling?  I'm not anglo-American, and vocal and enthusiastic arguing isn't looked down upon in my culture.  Volume alone isn't indicative of anything shameful.  It's OK for your kids to witness conflict or frustration.  OP sounds so nervous, so tightly wound, so controlling. [/quote]

OP. No, this isn't the kind of fair fighting my kids see at home between my husband and me. It's screaming, calling each other horrible names, totally losing control, tears. For the most part, the worst stuff isn't from me (I don't curse or call anyone names or get hysterical), But I do lose my cool and shout at them instead of staying calm and polite as I should.

Besides this, all the other comments make sense to me. I appreciate everyone's very helpful advice on this thread!!

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