Reply to Couples therapy and mandatory reporting

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am a therapist. This would have to be reported.

And I agree with the PP, this should not be your biggest concern.[/quote]

What? Because he grabbed the kid? God help our culture if we think it's better to lock up a parent or divorce him because he grabbed his kid too hard in a moment of frustration. Where is the compassion? Where is the proportionality? It really doesn't sound like he was trying to hurt the kid. Maybe he didn't realize how much force he was applying. Maybe he didn't realize the point at which he woudl leave a mark. And what's "a mark," anyway - a bruise? The slight discoloration in skin that comes from pressure or heat and then dissipates after a few seconds? As long as he now acknowledges that he squeezed too tight, I think everyone needs to get over it.[/quote]

I know. It is ridiculous. Kid was screaming inside, and parents aren't supposed to be able to do anything about it.[/quote]

Well, it is pretty ridiculous that the only thing OP's DH thought to do about it was grab the kid hard enough to leave marks.  It's a reflection of his limited capability to respond - it's actually scary that a grown man couldn't find any other way than to get physical.  I can think of plenty of many other ways to respond that would have been appropriate.  [/quote]

Yes, it’s so exactly the same to be sitting at a keyboard contemplating ways to respond when you are not in the situation as it is to be the parent in the moment and in the presence of said screaming kid  :roll:  :roll: [/quote]

Ah yes! This must be the first child that ever screamed in all human history that no one has ever thought of a way to respond without violence! If only there were literally entire books written about how to respond to children correctly…we could keep them in parenting sections of libraries and bookstores! We could have whole articles on positive parenting techniques taking up tons of the internet. But no this helpless man encountered the worlds first screaming child.

[/quote]

Said the woman who has never ever lost her cool with a child. Cause that never ever happens with good parents.[/quote]

Losing your cool is yelling at your kids. Laying hands on them and leaving marks is out of bounds. And, per the OP, this is the latest incident of the DH's anger.

This is worse than if the DH were trying to get OP to shut up and grabbed her hard enough to leave marks. If OP were the target, no one would be minimizing this behavior.

Two of my 3 kids (now teens) have SNs. I know what it's like to be pushed to the limit. Neither my DH nor I have ever been physical with them. When we could have acted better, we've acknowledged it to our kids and apologized. OP continues to make poor choices as a mother. Her poor kids.[/quote]

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