Reply to In-laws are mad that we are inviting others to Christmas dinner. How to resolve this?

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m not making any excuses for their reaction because it’s horrible, but just wondering if they have social anxiety. I do, and the idea of “new” people in the mix at what is already sort of a fraught time in my family could bring on some negative, unChristmasy emotions for me.

If they don’t get to spend much quality time with you to begin with, they might be anxious already at the prospect of “sharing” with your parents, in a new setting (your house for the first time for Christmas), and the introduction of an additional element perhaps caused them to react emotionally (badly!) in the moment. They don’t know the other people, they may think they need to bring gifts for the kids, they want to talk about family stuff without having to provide backstory — none of which is difficult but for a person with anxiety it could hit differently.

Given time to reflect on it, they might warm to the idea. No matter how anxious I am, in a million years I wouldn’t be rude and unwelcoming to any other guests at Christmas. I would have a big talk with them as others have suggested. If you celebrate both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, maybe make it clear to the in-laws that you are inviting the friend and kids to one or the other, not both. [/quote]

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