Reply to Waited to TTC due to husband and now having fertility issues

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We waited to TTC as husband was not ready until his 36 birthday. I am turning 36 soon and we have been TTC for 4 months. My OB said to go to a fertility specialist if not able to conceive in 2 months.

I am so angry as I wanted a baby 4 years ago. What can I even do?[/quote]

I think you already know from posts here, or if not, you need to take this on board:

[b]Four months is no time at all.[/b] Nearly 36 is no longer as huge a deal as it once was (it's not immaterial but it's also not, in and of itself, the huge deal it once was). You cannot know if you might have had issues at 25, much less 35. And you and DH have not even had any fertility tests etc. yet, so your intensity is not warranted at this point.

The real issue today is your resentment and anger toward your husband. NOT the fact you haven't gotten pregnant yet while TTC. [b]The REAL issue is your resentment, OP. Another PP above noted, rightly, that you too bear responsibility for agreeing to wait. So own that and then let it go and find a way to let go of the resentment re: DH. Your resentment is a perfect recipe for pushing him away emotionally even as you're jumping him and demanding he get you pregnant on the schedule you want. [/b]

You need to get your head on straight and think hard about whether you are in your marriage first and foremost, or want a baby first and foremost. You might think, [i]but I want both equally[/i]! Well, many of us want both equally but one is a commitment you already made. The other is a profound hope but not a reality yet--and might never be a reality. Go and read the many, many posts on DCUM from women bemoaning how men "stole their fertility" so they divorced in their mid- to late-30s and are now desperately trying to find dates, find the right man who wants young kids in his late 30s or 40s, who wants to date/marry/have a baby almost immediately, etc. It's beyond sad, frankly. If you can't see a future with your DH that is child-free, or a future with adopted children, or a future as a foster family etc. -- you are putting a biological child ahead of your marriage. Your choice, but if you don't let go of the resentment you are skewing the odds in favor of losing your DH and marriage.

[/quote]

well said PP[/quote]

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