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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]

It's not a matter of being selfish. If the children have been alienated from the father by the divorced mother, why would he pay for their college?[/quote]

Because if the child is now in college, it means that child is now over 18 and an adult and no longer living full time with the mother that presumably alienated them, so the loving father that wants a relationship with their child would be interested in demonstrating to his child that he is a supportive father and not a manipulative vindictive jerk who is using money as a tool against the child.

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My mother alienated us from our father. She denied him all contact with us from age 5 onwards - including moving us thousands of miles away. She threw away letters that he wrote to us. Eventually he moved on with his life and had more kids with his second wife. When I went to college she wrote (via her lawyer to his lawyer) to ask him for money and he said, "so sorry no can do." I have no doubt that the tone of her letter was not helpful, but who knows whether his lawyer passed along the exact verbiage.

I don't really blame him for refusing to pay at that point. She had spent 13+ years making sure we hated him and regarded him as the embodiment of human evil. If he'd paid for college that wouldn't have counteracted that.

In our case, it was our mom who was a manipulative vindictive jerk. She was using money as another tool to turn us against him - she made sure to tell us that she'd asked him for money and he'd said no. "See what a selfish pig he is? Just like I always told you!" There was no need at all for her to do that. It was only when my sister and I were adults and could reach out to him through the internet that we discovered that he wasn't a monster after all.

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