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[quote=Anonymous]
Agree with a PP who said: Invite them. Put them up in a hotel (sell it to your mom as a treat for them; your dad likely will complain about it but frankly you can grit your teeth and redirect his attention to the kids). Do this visit after Christmas to take the emotional weight off the 24th/25th. Involve the kids in planning what they think would be nice to do wtih grandma/grandpa--encourage the kids to find shows or plays, museum exhibits etc. the week after Christmas. Having activities to do and things to see helps avoid a lot of "hanging out at the house" time which will end up in spats, probably; it's helpful to have some activity on which everyone can focus and which can be a source of conversation.

You alrready know your dad can be an a$$ but I would be prepared to deflect and redirect Every. Single. Time. "Sally, why are we in a hotel? I hate hotels. YOU picked it, not me." [i]Actually the kids picked it as a treat for you and mom. Would you like more potatoes, Dad?[/i] "I don't like (whatever type of) exhibits!" [i]Mom does. I'm sure enjoying watching her have fun with the kids here[/i]. And so on.

I'm not saying you have to tolerate a nasty dad, but based just on what you describe so far, I'd do this for the kids since they are asking. Frankly many, many kids their ages would absolutely not be thinking of, much less asking to see, grandparents, especially after a long period like the pandemic. Your'e lucky your kids are thoughtful that way. Bear in mind: The kids may be remembering happy little-kid times they had, and the reality of critical grandpa might be a rude awakening for the older two, but still, I'd give it a try. And yes, I'd talk to the older two in advance but say I was willing to take the high road and re-admit grandpa for a holiday. (Because: 80s.) If grandpa goes off on one of the kids, of course, I'd be inviting him to leave and fly home, and let us visit with Grandma.[/quote]

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