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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DD is in the same situation. BF is white, we are Asians. We have made it clear that we will not allow DD to move in with the BF. He has 3 years to get his act together. DD is also getting more advanced degrees in her field. They can get married, sign prenups, she can freeze her eggs. She has around 8 years before she should try for children. In the 5 years she can determine if she wants to have kids with her BF/ DH or not. She can divorce if he is not the right guy to be the father of her kids. No man can keep up the pretense for so long. 
Life is too short. We have wealth that can support her and our grandkids. Her mistake was choosing a male who is culturally not geared to be a provider and a family man. [/quote]

You sound well intentioned but controlling. I've a feeling this is her way of revolting. Back off so she can make rational decisions.[/quote]

I do not think she is revolting.   I think she feels shame for the fact that some things that her BF says does not make us see him in a good light.   She tries to be understanding of  his culture but him wanting to move in together has made her not very happy. We have been very accepting and understanding but she is feeling let down. Personally, I do not trust this man because he comes from an unhappy family who do not support their children in meaningful ways.  If my daughter marries him, she does not get a supportive family from his side.

She has been raised in a family with both parents who are well educated, both worked and both worked towards a common goal. There was a lot of self-respect and pride. My DH respected me before marriage and 'put a ring on it' as soon as he got a job. He did not expect any handout from anybody and we both were able to struggle together and were happy with whatever we had.  There was never any thought of not growing old together till the end of our time. Our children were welcome and celebrated when they were born.  I have been treated like a queen by my husband. I have also been able to create strong ties between two families with his support.  My DD has seen all of that.  She is treated like a princess by her dad.  And she wants a marriage like ours.   I know that my DD will not accept someone who does not treat her very well.  I just want to make sure that if she marries him, she is positioned to get out if it does not work out.  That she is economically secure and that she is able to have children and a family.  It can happen with this person, or it can happen with someone else.  If it is fated that she will have a heartache, then there is not very much we can do.

My only prayer is that if a girl is supported and loved by her parents (especially her dad), she will not make a poor choice.  Though the White culture is muddying the water because it is so individualistic and self-centered.  In any case, my only condition is that she marries sooner rather than later but has her kids after some  years of marriage. She needs to evaluate and  decide if this person is worthy of being the father of her children.  Else, she can do it on her own after divorcing this guy.

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