Reply to So weird, all the divorces.

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[quote=Anonymous]We were on the brink of divorce, and slowly putting things back together. I have some hope we might make it. We have two young kids and are in that 7-12 year range OP mentioned.

It sucks. My husband doesn't know if he wants to be married. He did some things in the last two years that greatly undermined our marriage (he didn't physically cheat though). We both made mistakes. If we divorce, it will be because he gave up and like a PP so eloquently put it, marriage is something you have to work on every single day and we didn't do that. But you have to be willing to try to do that once you hit rock bottom, and I think so many people just give up and walk away. And that is why second marriages fail moe than first, because people think the problem is the other person and they don't deal with their own issues and they don't put in the work. And all relationships take work. Especially once kids entered the picture....it's so hard to do the work of marriage, whether you both work or one of you stays home (both have their drawbacks and advantages I imagine).

The process of going through this is definitely the best thing that has ever happened to me, in that I'm discovering a strength I never knew I had and I'm learning so much about myself. I do not doubt my capacity to forgive, to love. My husband is coming around and realizing you just don't "fall out of love" and walk away and things are great. It was very scary, horrifying, to watch him throw up hands and see that marriage can be so fucking tenuous. But he was confused and hurt and lost and counseling and reconnecting has been incredibly hard and painful but it can work.

It's been interesting going through this. I shared with my best friend who I knew had been having problems of her own and she opened up how they almost got divorced. I had NO idea how bad things had gotten and what had gone on. I shared with a few other friends and some seem uncomfortable and don't want to engage and others have made it clear that things are not so great or they had a rough spot, he spent 6 months sleeping on the couch but they got past it, etc. It's crazy because in the Facebook age everyone seems to have perfect marriages.[/quote]

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