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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There’s no mention on what the help consisted of. If the other kid spends weeks working on her essay (at least according to your posts) and your child ‘helps’ by bouncing off some ideas and doing minor edits, then there’s no need for additional thanks and acknowledgements. From the other child’s point of view, if the help was coming from her own parents, it would be odd to bring that up multiple times. In fact it would be more appropriate to not mention it at all since the contribution is very small.

You don’t know the full extent of how work was divided in the project and the actual impact your child help was in getting the award. It seems to me you could be overestimating it, and you only go by your possibly biased and jealous opinion if your DD.

I think the lesson you need to teach your child is that sometimes she needs to help people without expecting anything in return and just be happy for her friends success. It seems that being selfish may be the issue why she can’t make friends.[/quote]

This post is rude and useless. Goodbye. [/quote]

It is actually a pretty thoughtful and helpful post...until the last sentence.  PP really undercut her point at the very end.[/quote]

The family friend of many years is asking the daughter of the op for help with a project. The friend is ignored several times until she is reluctantly ‘assisted’ whatever that means. After the friend wins an award the daughter is upset she is not thanked publicly enough and her help acknowledged, essentially asking to undermine and understate the contribution and merit of the actual author of the essay. I’m sorry but to me this is a terrible personality trait of selfishness, being self centered and self absorbed and overall being an truly awful friend. By middle school these kids should at least know how to navigate these social interactions, and show some empathy. I don’t think age is a valid excuse. I maintain that this kind of behavior would make it difficult if not impossible to form genuine relations and strong friendship bonds with her peers.

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OP here. Where did I say DD should have been publicly acknowledged? There was zero expectation of that. I was upset that DD was not acknowledged privately at the time she gave the assistance which was many months before the actual award. Here’s how the situation evolved. DD was asked for assistance for what she thought was a school assignment. DD read through essay quickly, pointed out a few changes and said it was fine. Friend kept asking for more assistance. DD then looked it over more critically and spent hours on it. At the time DD asked me what she should do because she felt like it needed a lot of work in it’s current state. I said pointers and suggestions were fine. DD tried to do that but other kid just didn’t understand what DD was trying to explain. Finally, DD fixed all of the grammatical errors of which there were many and rewrote portions because it was less time consuming. Other child repeatedly emphasized that she was trying to meet a deadline. She was not interested in doing the work herself. The situation was more complicated due to the fact that we are friendly with family. Later, when DD found out about the award she mentioned it to me in passing. She was not upset about the award but I think she realized that maybe she assisted too much. My response was “well, I’m sure she appreciated your help and maybe you need to handle differently next time”. DD said no. I asked her what she meant and she showed me the text convo. DD was not lying. I didn’t think much about it until parent of friend started talking to me about it. I’m certain parent doesn’t know anything. One thing I left out. In the past this same child would ask for assistance with her math homework. She showed DD the answers to the problems and asked if DD could double check them. DD said sure and solved all the problems. DD found out that the other child was simply looking up the answers online but she needed the actual work my daughter was providing. Once DD found out she said she was happy to explain but other child needed to learn how do the problems herself or it would hurt her in the future. This is not a good pattern of behavior. DD may be naive but she is the opposite of selfish. I want her to help others and she often does but I don’t want her to be a doormat. [/quote]

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