Reply to The strain of SN on a marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the PP that mentioned self care and I am very much a special needs parent who has spent the last 4 years advocating, worrying, crying, celebrating victories, driving to interventions, blah blah blah.

When I felt the equilibrium was off (or more off than usual) the one place where I started each time was self care.  As trite as it is, put your O2 mask on before you put on DC's.  The self care that comes to mind for me first is finding a therapist - for me![/quote]

Literally when the hell would I have gone to therapy. God the blindness is unreal.  There was no virtual therapy pre 2020.

I'm gonna log off because I'm starting to get angry, and that won't help me respond to anyone in a calm and supportive way. But mother of god, literally how would some of us ever gone to therapy alone? 
[/quote]
I’m sorry it’s been so difficult for you. Clearly your experience is even more difficult than most special needs parents. That does not mean that some of the suggestions won’t help someone else. I hesitate to even offer another suggestion for you, since your entire mindset is that it is impossible - and, indeed, perhaps in this time of your lives it is, and I empathize. Can you get a sitter for the NT kid and take turns getting an evening away while the other  stays with the other child?  Where are they during the day? It can’t be that both parents stay home 24-7?[/quote]

I am PP and today I am calmer. Thank you for responding. We are on the other side now, but no, we could not have hired a sitter for NT with one parent staying w/ the older child. No sitter wanted to be around the violence that was our daily lives. Plus the NT little one was too scared to be with anyone but a parent. We tried with a very trusted friend a few times, and it was very traumatizing for NT. During the day kids were at school (or little one was day care for some of the worst of it), but I couldn't use any vacation days because I needed to save it for school vacations and days off.

Im' not saying people shouldn't offer suggestions for other SN parents, but I'm just saying -- stop saying "take care of yourself" or "put your oxygen mask on!" It's just really condescending. I think most people have thought of that.  Nowadays going to therapy would be easier because you can do it online w/ so many providers. [/quote]

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