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[quote=Anonymous]I am so, so sorry, OP. It sounds like you’re in a difficult position all around right now. I have faced variations on many of the things you mention, but never all at once! Whatever you decide, please be kind to yourself and be sure to leave at least a little space for your own needs.

In terms of DC low-income senior housing, one place to check out is Friendship Terrace in Tenleytown. I know someone who lives there on a sliding-scale rent tied to her social security. There is an extra charge for one meal a day, which is not optional, but at least there’s some tradeoff in being sure he’s fed.

For all the ways that DC government can be dysfunctional, my mother is both low-income and disabled, and we’ve had a great experience with DC Medicaid and its related services like home health aide coverage. She’s still mentally functional and set everything up herself, so I don’t know specifically who to call. But when in doubt, I think there’s a department called the Council on Aging or similar. Pretty sure they have a public info line.

On the hoarder front, that’s my husband’s parents. It really does provide an extra roadblock because it’s a big reason he won’t want to move. A move would be the perfect opportunity to wipe the slate clean, but getting there will take finesse. If you haven’t already, I recommend looking into some books on hoarders and hoarding. (There may be lots on the web too, I just haven’t looked.) Understanding the psychology behind the condition has helped me a lot in terms of managing frustration with attitudes that seem completely illogical to a non-hoarder. At the very least, I would pitch any move as a chance to “being all your very favorite things together” as opposed to a chance to clean out trash. Highlight the positive and not the negative.

Finally, have you ever read the book “Being Mortal”? It’s mostly focused on health care, but it’s more generally about the tension between what we want for our elderly loved ones and what they want for themselves. Sometimes what they want is far from what we consider ideal — even sometimes what we’d consider slightly unsafe — but there is value in letting them make their own choices about their own lives. Obviously your father’s financial situation plays in here because staying where he is probably won’t be a choice even if that’s what he wants most. But, like with the hoarding info, sometimes stopping to think through the dynamics can be helpful.

Good luck to you. [/quote]

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