Reply to How to create functional, positive holiday traditions?

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Reply to "How to create functional, positive holiday traditions?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Very, very simple holidays based on family bonding activities. I think people get swept up in trying to create picture perfect holiday memories and end up so stressed out and sad when reality doesn't match expectations.

I would focus on creating a few fun traditions and stick to those and don't put any pressure on yourself for a bunch of "extras". Say no to things. Refuse to travel. Don't over commit to activities.

We have two toddlers and Christmas was amazing last year, I was kind of shocked. We baked, watched movies, opened presents slowly. I had rock bottom expectations and kept things simple and because of that it exceeded my expectations.

I think at the end of the day it's easy to get sucked into the circus and stress yourself out and the key is simplicity, slowing down and focusing on quality time together. [/quote]

what did you do?[/quote]

I think one of the secrets often to happiness is to have low expectations and maybe this is not me in a bad way but I think a lot of times as parents it's easy to have this Hallmark movie idea of how something is going to go and inevitably they're going to be hiccups along the way and meltdowns or cranky children and you just have to roll with it[/quote]

OP here. Yes I'm not trying to have the "perfect" holiday.  The struggle is more related to how to keep toxic dynamics out, set boundaries, etc.  I thought having some traditions would help.  Like PP's suggestion to keep Christmas Day as immediate family only and not host will help keep out my BPD/unstable on and again off again alcoholic mother who, for now, I haven't gone no-contact with.  Also thinking about ways to limit the involvement of presents, as my family has a weird overbuying problem (partially related to compensating for a MIA parent, arguing, etc) and I don't have many activity options in mind because I didn't do things like that as a child.

Thoughts from people that grew up in a dysfunctional environment could be helpful because they may realize how these things aren't necessarily intuitive if you were never around them.[/quote]

We dont do this, but some people i know have a four gift rule--something you want , something you need, something to wear, and something to read.  May buy gifts by rule like this and it will keep you in check?[/quote]

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