Reply to ‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help

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Reply to "‘Help’ that is not wanted is not help"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Seems like you see a problem where one does not exist.

You fail to recognize the kindness and generosity of your relatives.[/quote]

Kindness is listening to what would be helpful to someone else. Kindness is respecting someone else’s decision. Generosity is helping after you have first listened to and respected what someone else has said about what would be helpful to them. [/quote]

Sure. But you fail to understand that this is a two way street. Your understanding/definition of kindness and generosity is too limited. Nonetheless, I do appreciate your comments.[/quote]

OP here. I do of course say thank you all the time, invite them frequently, say yes to their invitations and to their requests to visit and FT, etc. I accommodate their food preferences, travel preferences, vacation preferences, etc., etc. When I am in their home, I ask how I can help and I listen and do what they ask of me without questioning them or pushing my own agenda. I write thank you notes and encourage my kids to do the same. I call often and encourage my husband to call his parents.

I would just like to be respected in my own home. If they prefer not to help, that would be fine, too. They can relax, which would be more helpful than “help.” [/quote]

You get to the above step by step. You are taking this too personally. My parents are visiting starting tomorrow. My mother is beside herself if there is not some house project for them to do during the day when the kids are at school and I'm at work. She feels like she's not being useful and will offer a million things she can do - like does anyone need anything ironed? (we haven't used an iron in like 10 years), buttons sewn on? (LOL), get something started for dinner? (this involves a minimum of 1000 questions and 100 apologies for using one of the 17 mustards we inevitably have in the fridge), etc., etc. You have to learn to be the duck in the rain.[/quote]

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