Reply to Is moving an elderly parent into a care facility a form of 'betrayal'?

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Reply to "Is moving an elderly parent into a care facility a form of 'betrayal'?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your SIL is stupid to look at this from an emotional perspective.

What matters is:
1. The quality of care between the two settings. It will depend on the competence of the aides and the specific facility you're looking at. 
2. The evolution of the dementia. Each stage requires different care.
[/quote]

This is OP here. I agree with this.

The system they have in place - private caregivers 24/7 at MIL's home is working well and MIL seems happy. So far so good, however ... my husband started touring a few specialist care facilities because he believes there will come a time where his mother cannot be taken care of at home anymore. He wants to gather the necessary information and be prepared in case of a serious crisis.

MIL's house has stairs and even if they moved her bed downstairs, the bathroom is still upstairs. Also, she seems to get increasingly confused and agitated at night. T[b]he aides now lock all doors or she would walk out in the street on her own, nor remembering where she lives (she has tried doing this).[/b]

This is where my DH and his siblings differ in opinion. His sisters are super close to their mom and are far more emotional. They really want her to live at home, no matter what. They fear she will deteriorate and die quicker in a care facility.[/quote]

NP here
My mom started doing that (wandering out of the house) which is what prompted my Dad to find a memory care facility for her.   Do the locks stop your mom?   My mom was able to unlock standard home doors.  She needed either a completely locked down facility, or eyes focused directly on her (not just someone in the house) 24/7--because she would wander in the middle of the night too.

It seems your husband's family is fortunate that so far  they have had reliable coverage-there are many families that experience caregivers quitting with no notice, calling in sick, etc.[/quote]

OP here. [b]The caregivers hide the door keys from her. I think she would be able to open a standard lock, yes. [/b]
The caregivers doing the night shifts have to be super vigilant, that's when she gets all confused and anxious, and she starts looking for long deceased family members. And her falling down the stairs is also a serious risk.
[/quote]

Woah, so they are locking themselves, and her, inside with keyed locks?   I would worry if there was a fire or other emergency and the caregiver was incapacitated.  Locked down facilities like memory care units have special safeguards against this (locks automatically release due to loss of power or activation of sprinklers/smoke detectors.)[/quote]

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