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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Reviving this thread to ask you parents of teens how you helped them develop that self-motivation and executive functioning.  I have a tween caught in a vicious cycle.  Very high expectations for herself, but the day-to-day grind of studying or preparing for a test or sporting event is lacking because (let's face it) homework or practice isn't "fun".  Result is she then sometimes falls short, e.g. with a bad test grade and is a hot mess of tears and sense of failure.

We keep trying to teach that a goal without a plan is just a wish, and to succeed the way she wants means those daily steps.  We've tried to leave it up to her, but I don't think the executive functioning is there yet to be as organized and have the time management needed.  We've tried to force it, restricting screen time and setting timers for her to sit down and do practice math problems or what have you.  We've tried to remind her how good it feels when she does succeed and that she knows it takes the daily work.

What worked to develop that internal motivation that understands that to get to the finish line you have to do the work?
[/quote]

Praise effort, not results. Also, in middle school we went through a period of about 3 months when we gave up on letting him be self directed and sat him down at the table and made him finish homework. Similarly made him retake tests and quizzes if he got less than a C. I think the motivation was to avoid us micromanaging him rather than doing well. But it got him realizing the link between putting in the work and improving grades. [/quote]

For both my Neurotypical and my neuroatypical child, praising effort or hard work did nothing. It didn’t result in them pushing themselves and it didn’t result in them not giving up.  It resulted in nothing.

But incentives and praise and first place medals and actual recognition awards from teachers, resulted in better training, effort and results. And now is a good habit of both of them.

Consequences worked too- especially at horseback riding camp.  Don’t take care of your horse, no riding. Don’t dress right for the farm, no riding. Don’t remember what to do, think about it offline, no riding. [/quote]

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