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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I spent the first 5-6 years of my relationship with my now - husband (we've been together for about 9 years now, married for 4) trying to build a relationship with her. She is extremely socially awkward and - I know I have anxiety but I am very outgoing and have lots of friends (I REALLY don't mean that to sound jerky) and am good at relationship-building, but she treats our 1:1 time as if she's in a therapy session. Digging deep about past relationships, asking me questions about what led me to end up with DH, nothing normal like "how was your day?" She probes about my job and saying "I don't know how you do it... do just like feeling intense... all the time? Some people just like feeling tense and stressed. Is that you? Is that why you chose this? How do you relax?" Just things like that. When I try and change the subject to lighter items, she stares deeply at me, as if I'm truly in a therapy session, and I find it extremely disconcerting.

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am extremely open to this, but trying to figure out how to dig my way out of it, and wondering if anyone else has ever had this sort of experience - frequent exposure to someone you're trying to work through your own issues with...

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]"Oh we have care arranged already."  Or say you have plans already.  Or explain you were worried she would not remember or mistake the time again.

When she makes low income comments about your parents, [b]"Have you forgotten they are millionaires?[/b]" [/quote]

No to the bolded - that's a gross thing to say. Don't sink to her level. Just say "They're doing just fine, thanks." [/quote]

OP here. This is what I do. I don't get into it, since it seems catty to respond. She actually asked point-blank a few years ago (right after it happened) how much my parents were going to inherit from my grandmother and my husband reprimanded her immediately, but she kept asking, and she had made so many comments about my parents' finances I told her it was a significant amount (no value), and yet she still makes these comments.

I am a little bit defensive in general about finances. My dad created a separate life from his wealthy family long ago, since he didn't want to be a cog in the family business and do the whole corporate life. I grew up with very humble means in, like I said, a VERY low-income but beautiful town. I have worked for everything I have, even paid for college myself, and while my husband comes from wealth he has not accepted anything from his family and is stubborn to a fault about it. I used to hold a significant amount of anxiety about finances. We knew my grandmother was wealthy, but I had no idea to what scale. Hearing my MIL make all these comments about DH and his sister attending a very wealthy, exclusive private school in DC and "how you just wouldn't necessarily understand the dynamic" just makes me really upset. She acts like I pulled myself up from my bootstraps. My parents both worked professional, middle class jobs. As someone who until the last few years didn't realize how much wealth we'd be coming into, and I'm not quite sure my parents did either, I feel like I still have a huge chip on my shoulder.[/quote]

Op I’m sorry to say because I know this might hurt to hear but this seems way more about you than her. Like you said you have some big hang ups about money and while I don’t think her questions about your parents finances are appropriate you have got to just let go of her idiosyncrasies and try to love her as your mil. She’s not mean hearted or cruel, so you’ve got to figure out how to see her as your family and not an inconvenience so that her idiosyncrasies seem funny instead of so grating. It sounds like you are taking small comments she likely doesn’t mean in any sort of way, wayyyy too personally and then doubling down on that.[/quote][/quote]

Honestly you just have to say - this is my husband’s mom whom he loves dearly, who birthed him and cared for him and wiped his snot and vomit and then tried to do her best to get him into the right school (right or wrong), maybe agonized over it (which is maybe why she brings it up, you haven’t gotten to schooling decisions yet but they can be agonizing). Who now loves her grandkids and misses those days she can never get back with her own kids, who is a bit socially awkward and doesn’t always say the right thing. And maybe is feeling anxious herself! And this woman is now my FAMILY and I’m going to love her and accept her for the silly and sometimes inappropriate person she is.

I really do wonder if she also has some anxiety? Maybe both your anxiety is kind of knocking into each other. Could you maybe spend some 1:1 time? I wonder if she’s trying to connect but just missing the mark. But building a solid relationship with her is a place to start. Ask her advice on some things, involve her. I do this with my MIL all the time - tell her about preschool options I was considering for example. It makes her feel involved and a part of things. And I do genuinely appreciate her insight. [/quote][/quote]

ok op, I'm the pp and I agree with the pp she does sound very kooky!! What does your dh say? Does he connect with her or do they have a strained relationship?[/quote]

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