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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am in a similar boat, except I also have 2 kids with SN although milder. My nephew is not yet speaking much.

We do a lot of traveling to see them for the holidays and to keep routines in place. We stay in hotels and visit their house so that everyone has spaces to retreat to if needed. I do a lot of coaching/ answering basic questions for our parents in terms of what to expect based on info Inget from my brother.  That gives them space to say unhelpful things like “shouldn’t he be *** by now” without my brother and sister in law having to put up with that. (This is at my brother’s request.)

I have also tried to visit with their family with just me. When my kids or parents are there, I am busy managing those interactions.  I want to know my nephew and for him to know me outside of the chaos of big family visits.  So this looks like me traveling to them whenever I can and just hanging out while they do their regular activities.  This is earned me a nickname from my nephew that is in his communication device. I am jellybean since I once brought him purple jellybeans. ( If he had another sibling I would want to spend separate time with them too.)

It means a lot to me that my nephew will sit next to me when I visit. I sometimes get a high five or a hug too.  It has taken time to build that relationship, so I encourage you to invest that time if possible. [/quote]

You sound like a wonderful sister and I love that your nephew's name for you is jellybean. I am so grateful for my sister who runs similar interference with my unhelpful and judgmental parents. [/quote]

OP here.  Did you ask your sister to run interference or did it just sort of happen? Sounds like the first PP's brother asked her to play that role, but I'm curious how it came about for you. My brother hasn't asked me to do anything like that yet, but our family tends to be judgmental and uninformed about many things and my brother has already made comments to be about how he expects to hear a bunch of criticism when he shares his child's diagnosis (he hasn't told anyone else yet). I'd gladly run interference for my brother if he wants me to, but I don't know if he'd ever come out and ask me to do so.  I'm trying to stay in my lane while also being as supportive as possible.[/quote]

We're in a similar boat to you, OP. Except in our situation there's been no mention whatsoever about a diagnosis other than niece is now going to a "special" school. Otherwise we know nothing else. I know every family is different but perhaps your family may react better than your brother expects. These children are loved (or at least they should be) by their family members and it is not easy to be in the dark and confused about what/how/if we can help or how we can support them. Obfuscating isn't good either. [/quote]

I’d urge you to reflect upon your actions/comments and consider why your family members clearly haven’t felt comfortable disclosing additional information to you. As the mom of a disabled child, I don’t share a lot because people’s responses are often painful. I have enough to deal with. [/quote]

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