Reply to First few months of being a stepparents to teens

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]6) Making them quit any of their activities, even if it's due to "fairness" for the sake of your children
7) Doing PDA with their dad around them and their friends.
8) Expecting them not to roll their eyes at the "till death do us part" words in the wedding, if there was a divorce
9) Getting on your high horse about setting an example of a happy marriage, when it means they get less of something. You don't know that your marriage is or will be happy, and they won't care.
10) Having age-inapproprate expectatons for their maturity and behavior.  If you don't know much about teens, read up.
11) Blaming their mom for how they turned out.  Guess what-- your DH is equally their parent, and if he failed to raise them with manners and morals that's on him.  And ask yourself why you're raising children with a man who isn't a good parent.[/quote]

Oh these are sooo good!! My stepmom did almost all of these (and the ones in OP’s prior list) and then wondered why we were jerks to her.

I do feel really bad about how we treated her and I know she didn’t try to be a wicked stepmother. But if she had had this list handy it would have made everyone’s lives much easier. [/quote]

You find it perfectly acceptable that a married couple should not ever hold hands, kiss goodnight, put their arms around each other, etc. in front of stepkids.  Why, exactly? 
You find it acceptable for older kids to "roll their eyes" or sigh or do other negative behaviors during a wedding ceremony?  Why, exactly?
It's OK to be "jerks" to the stepmom because she somehow failed at a list of criteria she wasn't even aware of?  Why, exactly?

I do agree that badmouthing either parent to the stepkids is absolutely off limits. Plus, it's heartening to see that some adult stepkids do feel a twinge of remorse over what they've done to a stepparent.  Just remember, statistically most of us are going to be in a step-position at some point. 
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