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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Most? I don’t think so, no. There are a great many emotionally immature parents out there, some of them on the very narcissistic end of the spectrum and those parents don’t really have capacity to love their children at all, much less more than themselves. In the case of narcissists they don’t really love themselves, either.

It’s a lovely thing we very much want to believe in, this notion of unconditional parental love and/or an innate selflessness that happens in people who become parents. But look around you - the world is burgeoning with very seriously messed up people and a very great many of them suffered the psychological wounds in early childhood which made them damaged and left them struggling in later life - in work, in relationships, in the ability to self love and engage in self care. The ACEs score system has firmly established the link between childhood traumas and lifelong struggle with psychological and physical health problems.

Do most parents *say* they love their children more than themselves? Sure. But actions speak louder than words. [/quote]

I don’t think you should love your kids more than yourselves. I think to raise well adjusted kids they need to see parents that love themselves and each other. Loving yourself and putting yourself first is NOT a childhood trauma. I’m a wonderful mother who is always thinking of my kids and putting their interests first. It’s healthy to love yourself though. I know lots of kids of mommy martyrs and would consider that a childhood trauma. Kids don’t learn how to love themselves if they don’t see healthy parents that model that. [/quote]

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