Reply to If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?

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Reply to "If you’re a mommy martyr, what’s behind it?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I have these tendencies. I'm not a SAHM but I only work PT and that is very much a choice I made on behalf of my kids. But some of the other stuff OP mentions rings true as well -- funneling extra money towards the kids instead of toward myself, putting their sleep and nutrition before my own.

However, I wouldn't call myself a "mommy martyr". One, because I don't resent what I give up that much. Yes, there are times when I feel pretty run down and I can trace that to putting my kid's needs before mine. But then I'll remind myself to take care of my fundamental needs (sleep, nourishment, some time alone, exercise, maybe something frivolous like doing my nails, watching a dumb rom com after everyone goes to bed, or reading a trashy book) and I get back to a good place.

But two, I remind myself that one of the best things I can give my kids is a happy, well-adjusted mother. Me going part-time was something I did for me, not for them -- I wanted more time to myself and to feel less rushed all the time. They get more of me, yes, but they also get more of me at my best. I also invest money in therapy for myself which I also view as beneficial to them. Even stuff like saving for college versus retirement -- I make a point of balancing those investments because I know ensuring I will be okay in old age will benefit them as much if not more than the funds we set aside for college.

I think it's normal to sacrifice for your kids, especially very young kids (mine are under 6). But sacrifice and martyrdom are not the same thing. I take care of myself and in doing so, I show up for my kids in a better way and set a good example for them, plus prepare myself for the day when they will leave and take care of themselves (based on my good example) and I will need to have purpose and fulfillment in my life independent from them.

I think of it as playing the long game.[/quote]

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