Reply to How to help kids not date/marry people who trash talk their folks

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH and I both come from dysfunctional, sometimes abusive families and one of the reasons we wound up together is that when one of us would talk about our families in less than glowing terms, the other one was willing to listen and believe what was being said, instead of turning up their nose in distaste.

Some people come from messed up families. Some people have bad parents. They need to be with partners who understand that dynamic and will support them in healing. If you want your kids to marry people who come from families with good parents, fine, I get it. But saying you "don't trust" people who speak negatively of their families is the wrong tack. Your kids might wind up marrying someone who never has a negative word to say about their abusive parents. Trust me when I tell you that is much more of a red flag.[/quote]

+1  My DH is the one that, supposedly, had the healthy family.  I come from an abusive, dysfunctional family and was very open about it.  Turns out that under the veneer of a 'great family', DH's family was pretty toxic and petty.  Early in our marriage, he actually asked me what was wrong with me that I couldn't love his family - [i]everyone [/i]loved his family.  That was 20+ years ago and while he gets it, he's not yet at the point he can speak about it without guilt/shame. [/quote]

This is me.  And it only gets worse as the difficult parents your spouse can't see clearly start getting older and paranoid and pettier.[/quote]

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