Reply to parents invited sister to a fall weekend- boundaries crossed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op….it’s not ok to plan an extended family vacation and then invite everyone but one family member. That’s just mean. You should have kept it to just your twin and her kids and not mentioned it to anyone else.

I also think it’s odd that you choose to live two hours away from your parents, and your sister lives ten minutes away, but you complain she gets more child care. Well of course she does. She lives ten minutes away.

You all sound like dramatic nightmares, including you.[/quote]

It’s not that big a deal that she gets more childcare, I get that she lives nearby but the fact that she throws it in my face and our other sisters face like she’s entitled to it and doesn’t recognize it’s a huge privilege is problematic and said it’s hurtful for me to even recognize her privilege… The other piece is when her child came along, visits with my family mostly stopped. We used to see them more frequently, they used to come for the day just to spend the day with the kids, even if I was at work and this literally stopped. Cold Turkey. Instead of special days with grandparents which they were always welcome to do….we have a 3 hour visit where they come to my house for lunch and abruptly leave when my dad is just done. They have made a big deal about being able to see my niece grow up when we aren’t that far at all. We have a nice guest room and cook and always treat them to a nice meal. It’s the dramatic change in attention my kids get, who have begun to notice.  They truly do prioritize my niece over any other grandkids and minimize the kids may feel hurt. 
[/quote]

So, you say it’s not a “big deal” that your sister gets more child care, but you’re mad that she doesn’t feel bad about it? Exactly how is she supposed to “recognize her privilege” in a way that would satisfy you?

You say that your parents’ visits stopped “cold turkey,” but then you say that they do come, but they don’t stay long enough? Who knows why they don’t want to spend the night anymore, but it sounds like you’ve gone from having the only grandchildren to having to share the grandparents’ attention with others. The others happen to live close by to the grandparents, so they naturally get more attention. How often do you go to visit them there? It sounds like you made a choice of where you want to live and you’re expecting your parents to make all the effort to make up the difference so your sister’s kids don’t get more attention. [/quote]

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