Reply to Why don't I have any close girlfriends?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]T[[/b]b]o have good friends you have to be a good friend. How much effort do you put into these relationships? How do you show up for friends?[/b] [/quote]

OP, the women I know who ask this are very one way, and rarely (if ever) ask about the other person. They can even come across as competitive, and are more "friendly" when you are down, than up.

My friendships that do span my lifetime do so because they are two-way.

The ones that have fizzled out, even after years, were too one way, and some might say to an extreme.

That, and people in this area can be judgy, presumptuous and some are users.  I have become better at gauging that, thankfully.[/quote]

Oof this comment is a doozy. You basically say that the only women who ever ask why they don't have more close friends are simply selfish, competitive people. But then say people in this area can be judge and presumptuous? Pot, meet kettle -- I'd say you'll hit it off but I'm guessing you're more likely to be frenemies.[/quote]

I mean, I think there’s some truth to the comment about being selfish. When my oldest was born, my world was rocked and I locked down and had no energy for anyone else. Like at all. I know realize I had post partum anxiety for sure and some level of depression too. And then I just couldn’t get back to the level of the other moms and I even my closest friends wished me well but the friendships weakened to the point several ended completely especially since we had moved and were not physically close to any of them. It took about 5 really hard years before we got some diagnoses and the right kind of help for my kid, and at that time I could better explain what was going on and why my experience was different from some of my friends. But there’s no going back- I put literally no energy into many of those relationships so how can I be surprised they ended? I’m incredibly grateful for the handful of people who understood and kept the thread of the friendship alive. I’m really really trying to put more energy into those friendships now that I’m able to. [/quote]

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