Reply to How many times am I going to get burned by my parents

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[quote=Anonymous]We don't live close to my parents or my ILs but I feel this because we also have really flaky grandparents. It's not that we're looking for free babysitting or for them to lavish our kids in gifts. It's that they just seem sort of indifferent in a way that is sad to me. My dad and MIL are both also very easily offended by the kids and it exhausts me. Like if they want to snuggle with our youngest and she says "no I don't want to snuggle right now" they will take this as a powerful insult when it's obvious that she is just not feeling like being cuddly (it's allowed! I also don't feel like being cuddled and petted all day). And then they'll say stuff about how our kids "don't like" them. I used to be really reassuring and explain it to them but I'm tired of it and now I just shrug.

All of this is to say, OP, that it's totally reasonable to feel disappointed or hurt in your parents behavior (I would definitely be hurt by my dad not even meeting my new baby when he lives 10 minutes away!) but also you are not alone in this. It's hard but it's something I've accepted. I do think it reflects some ambivalence from my parents/ILs about being parents at all, and neither my DH nor I have particularly emotionally close relationships with them. My DH used to be somewhat close to his dad but he passed. So now we just try to focus on building good relationships with our kids and hopefully planning for a future when they are adults where we can be a bit more supportive and invested in them and their kids. I think some of this is generational and that my parents and ILs had kids largely out of obligation and because it's what you do, and maybe are not that enthralled by it. It's not great but it's not uncommon. I've just accepted it.

It still stings a bit sometimes though. It's normal to want that connection with your parents, especially when you have your own kids and think it will be a kind of shared experience with them. It's strange to be greeted with indifference.[/quote]

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