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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I’m with you: Your sister’s standard of cleanliness would drive me bananas. You’re just not compatible this way.

I agree with others that setting a move-out date would be best. You won’t want them there when the baby arrives anyway, nor will they want to be there when it’s hard for anyone in the house to sleep through the night. Make sure that the move-out date is well in advance of when you *need* them out, just in case there’s any foot dragging.

Then open up a conversation about household chores. Explain that how they choose to live isn’t bad but it’s different from the standards you and your husband have. Explain also that it’s been stressful for you in a way you didn’t anticipate. [b]Blame the pregnancy hormones if you want to soften the blow[/b]. Define the chores that need to be done and set a schedule for it. Explain that putting off air fryer/crock pot/etc. cleaning may work in their own apartment because they do eventually get around to it but how in a shared kitchen the lack of clean cookery and available counter space makes it tough to cohabitate. Give them the benefit of the doubt that they might not have considered that (even though we all know that adults should manage these things themselves).[/quote]

OP, given that you've shared that you have people pleasing tendencies, I would go with this advice but I would NOT blame the pregnancy hormones. You do not want to leave any opening that would allow users (exactly what your sister and boyfriend are) to dismiss your concerns. Your sister has already been argumentative about this when you've asked her to clean up before. If you ground your arguments in "pregnancy hormones" instead of the way they choose to live doesn't work for you, you will be opening the door for debate about your mental state and not the facts. If you're a people pleaser, you might not have the fortitude to stay strong and not give in. Make your DH back you up. Let him be the heavy if needed. No matter what, when you go into that discussion with her, do not let it end without a very clear and firm deadline for when she must leave. Don't let her try to blow up and bait you into fighting about it, thus delaying the discussion for when you've cooled down (gaslighting tactic), don't allow her to say something open ended like 'we'll think about this and talk more later' or 'we will start cleaning up more and then we can revisit the topic later' There will be no lasting change from these people. Adults who live that way are set in those ways. Let them keep their ways, just not under your roof.

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