Reply to Newly widowed FIL and holiday plans - what are our responsibilities?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother-in-law passed away last week after a brief illness. My father-in-law is reasonably healthy and will be living alone in their home, which is 9 hours away from us. In the past, they have come to us for Thanksgiving. We typically celebrate at home or travel alone (sometimes to see my family) over Christmas. We have plans to travel across the country this Christmas - have booked flights and a place to stay, and will be traveling with friends. This is our first family trip since 2019. Are we obligated to cancel our plans so we can be with my father-in-law during his first Christmas alone? I'm also happy to have him join us on our trip, although I'm not sure how feasible or fun it would be for him, as he has some mobility issues, would need to stay separately from us, and doesn't know the friends we're supposed to be traveling with. I'm also not sure he would want to join us, as he has a strong aversion to flying.

I'm interested to hear what others think is reasonable and appropriate in this situation.[/quote]

I can't believe the first thing  you think of is your Christmas plans just one week after your MIL died.  It seems a little callous to me.  I would be thinking of supporting my dh with the loss of his mom and fil loss of his spouse.  But, no it is all about your vacation.

Who knows your fil might prefer to have a low key Christmas but it is too soon for either of you to bring it up to your FIL.[/quote]

Great for you. You're so strong, here's your cookie. It is utterly cold to leave fil on his own so soon after his wife has died.

Thank you. I can't believe the coldness of the previous posts. Op could you imagine what your first Christmas would be like being alone after your spouse dies? I can't fathom your thinking. I'm a person who is tough on boundaries and not having extended family step all over them but, damn, I feel sorry for your fil. [/quote]

I am not the OP, but the *last* thing I would want on the first Christmas after my spouse passed away would be for my adult child to cancel their family vacation. Life is for the living. We have precious few years with our children at home. I would be insistent that they go in their vacation. [/quote][/quote]

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