Reply to Moving out after deciding on separation

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]PP here. I was separated for 2 years in the same house. Divorce took that long. COVID hit as divorce as final. I stayed in the house until I found a house to buy. That was another 18 months. So, yes, I was in the house even after the divorce.

You do not have to move to be separated. You can figure out permanent housing and then move. Or sell the house and both move.[/quote]

OP here.  Did you have kids?  I know VA has strict laws regarding being separated under the same roof.  Did you follow all of them for two years?  That's a long time.  How did you handle bills, etc?  Separate accounts?[/quote]

Yes. I have kids. Yes, we followed all of the rules. Yes, we had separate accounts. No, it was not hard. We had been living like that a long time. Our huge was huge and that helped. We were rarely home at the same time. It was not hard. Also, as long as you agree you are separated and have someone sign an affadavit that you are living separate in the same house, no one questions anything. It is all paperwork.

One thing I learned in my divorce is that you can agree to anything you want and no one will question you if that PSA is signed. No one cares about your divorce. People seem to think a judge will care about x, y, z. If there is signed paperwork submitted, there are no questions asked. I wish I had known that to begin with rather than giving myself anxiety about it.[/quote]

OP here.

Your responses are very helpful.  Thank you.  How did you do dinner with the kids?  Since financials were separate how did paying for the house, utilities, etc go?  Appreciate your feedback.  I'm reading all these articles and laws about how in Virginia in-house separation is very strict (no dinners together, cannot use each other's food, no family time together, etc).  Seems very difficult living under the same roof.[/quote]

PP here. This is not that hard. Also, no one is monitoring you. If you are uncontested, it is fine. But yes, we followed the "rules."

Truthfully, we were already living that like that for years already. (Had separate bedrooms forever). We never had dinner together when married. I always fed the kids and ate myself later. Eventually, he started doing the same thing. We bought our own groceries. I stopped paying his cell phone bill. He stopped paying my car insurance. We just undid everything joint.
He decided to keep the house so I did not pay anything toward it after that decision. We did not do family time in the house even when we were married. We were almost always separate anyway. We did not tell the kids until after we divorced (and actually 18 months after we divorced when I bought another house).That is uncommon but I did not see the point in telling kids until there was a permanent change in their life. I probably would just bite the bullet and figure out permanent housing plans ASAP if we were not already living that way. If I were you, I would just establish a separation date and stop worrying about being in the same house right now...focus on finding a permanent housing solution, do that, then tell the kids rather than creating awkwardness at home (and chances are if you make permanent housing a priority you will be in a separate house when you file for divorce and then all of this is moot). I did not have the awkwardness...we were already living that way. My kids have no memory of us having family dinners or living in the same room or doing family stuff together.

Just agree on a separation date and move forward. If you are worried he won't agree on a date, send an email establishing the date of separation with the intent to divorce. [/quote]

OP here.  Thank you for the details.  My family now eats together and we sleep in the same room.  It's only this week we are not.  So, the kids can tell.  If we stop eating dinner together it's going to be very strange.  We both agree if we didn't have kids we would have divorced years ago.  The last few years we have only been together for the kids.  Most of the time we are just fine "getting along".  But, there are points where we just cannot stand each other.  Finally, we said we had to move on.  But, we want to impact the kids as little as possible.  For us not eating together at night would be very odd.  In your situation it makes sense.  Thanks for the info.[/quote]

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