Reply to Is middle school always miserable? (Mean girls)

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[quote=Anonymous]While I would love to suggest your daughter ditch the mean girls to find a group of nicer friends, I know it's not that easy.  So . . . .

Try asking you daughter who in the group is NOT into the drama.  Bascially, who's the nicest, least affected one.  And suggest she pair up with that girl (a) for solace/validation; and (b) to "branch out" and try to spend some time with other kids who are less into mean girl drama.  (It'll likely be easier for her to do this with a "wingman" rather than on her own.)

And through it all, just continue to validate your daughter's experience.  If she's noticing that these girls "connect" and relate to each other other by being mean to others, validate her instinct that this is not OK - that it's not how she wants to be in the world.  That gut feeling of hers is super important - so encourage her to listen to it.

We've tried hard not to demonize/harsh on the mean kids. 
 Because we don't want to fan drama (and also because these are KIDS - they're all trying to figure it out and many will learn from their mistakes and come through this phase as nicer versions of their middle school selves.)  We just remind our kids everyone's trying to find their place. 
 Some end up trying to connect or feel included by being mean to others, but truly NOT everyone is like that, even in middle school.  We tell them to look for the kids who aren't like that - who tend to stay above the fray or at least aren't pulled into drama - and see if they connect with them.

Middle school is a BIG population.  Encourage your kids to keep looking for the nice ones!

It also helps to [/quote]

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