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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I cut mine off close to three years ago. No regrets.  It is because, as another poster said, underneath her cheerful, helpful persona is a chilling darkness and rage that comes out whenever anyone extends an olive branch to her to be close. The death of my father was the final turning point.  In the last five minutes of his life, as I held his hand and he was taking his final breaths, she flew into a rage at me because I was looking at him instead of I wasn't hanging on her every word where she taked about how ready she was for him to die.  As he took his final breath, she vapidly yelled out to him, "Yep, we'll be together again someday, ok, bye!!!!" My father's death and funeral felt like a scene from a David Lynch movie, only it was real.  She showed up, dressed like she was leaving for a cruise and then proceeded to dance next to my father's casket while smirking and staring off into la la land. She then gave a disgusting eulogy where she cut into his character and then lectured his silbings for not being better people.."all in good fun", you know.  My father was dead, quite literally, for less than two minutes and she was off in another room with a friend yukking it up over how skinny and fit she was when she met him and all the fabulous trips he took her on.  I locked myself in the bathroom and wanted to puke.

Over the course of the first month I kept noticing the interior of my body relaxing its grip...it's as though my body was telling me "thank you, you finally listened...you can let your guard down now, you are safe and free now."  Little by little, the world began to look brighter and not every person I encountered seemed intimidating anymore...in fact, most people seemed warm. Since I felt safer in my body, I was able to be more present...and able to discuss conflicts with people calmly without shutting down.

I finally listened to my body/my instincts...cut her off...and when I did...whoosh, energy and happiness began to flow through my system like water and sunlight....

[/quote]

I can relate to so much of this. My mother also has a chilling darkness and rage lurking under the charming persona. There are differences. My breaking points were many including how abusive she was toward dad and toward me (for trying to protect him) as he declined. After he died it was all about her grief and her expecting everyone to grieve the same way and cater to her. After enough outbursts in front of my kids and many life stressors hitting us I could not take another outburst from her. I left the door open and it took her many months to reach out. The first few weeks I feared her wrath and retaliation, but then I could actually breathe. Joy came back into my life and I could sleep better not waiting for the next storm from her. As I let her back into my life the anxiety and sleep issues returned. I have major boundaries and in some ways am relieved to be low contact not "no contact" but I do think health-wise I was better off no contact. I dread having to lay down the law again. I dread her next outburst. She is more careful-no more manipulations, fear, guilt and obligation so far, but it's coming. It's how she's wired. Tantrums are coming. But yes, when I had a break and made it HER choice by simply putting the ball in her court...you must be kind to be in my life...and she chose NOT to be in my life for a while...it was healing. The sunlight came through. Joy flowed all as the PP described. I really would prefer she not be in my life, but I prefer it to be her choice so I don't feel any guilt releasing her.[/quote]

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