Reply to Hetero couple proclaiming themselves as queer

Forum Index » LGBTQIA+ Issues and Relationship Discussion

Reply to "Hetero couple proclaiming themselves as queer"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s “in-group” vs “out-group”.  They want to belong to the “in-group” which today is made up of people who self-identify as queer.  So they can’t be boring, straight, married people. [/quote]

[b]I think usually it’s one of the options others have identified (one or both are bi, one or both are non-binary, one or both are trans)[/b] but I do think this happens sometimes too. But rarely. You have to be in a community where being straight/cis is actually considered negative or “boring”. That’s incredibly rare. But I was once in a workplace/friend group where this was the attitude, and there were some straight folks in the group who started identifying as queer even though they didn’t change their orientation or gender. I don’t think it was totally disingenuous though. I honestly think being around people who think being straight/cis is less interesting can make people question the binary nature of their gender and sexuality. It makes them think “well yeah maybe if I’d explored it more before marriage I’d be less straight or less cis.”

But that’s very different than actually being gay or non-binary or trans. By that measure, most people are LGBTQ+, based on research like the Kinsey scale.[/quote]

This does happen and these people are absolutely queer.  Some queer people try to invalidate others, especially bisexual people in heterosexual relationships because these bisexual people aren't experiencing the same degree of suffering and loss of friends and family.  Unfortunately for cis bi people, from the other side, bi women in heterosexual relationships are often told they're "going through a phase" by cishet people and bi men are told they're just "closeted gay".  in many ways, bi people are invalidated from both directions and I think it's important to remember that they exist and that they're valid queer people regardless of the degree of suffering they've had to experience.  I wish no queer people had to give up their families to be themselves but that's the world we live in, even today.  For the lucky queer people that aren't bi that kept everyone in their lives after coming out, are they any less queer because they're gay or trans and aren't suffering as much as others?  Of course not.  [/quote]

Thank you for this. It’s spot on. As a bisexual woman married to a man, people assume I’m straight and I don’t usually feel comfortable claiming queerness even at an event like pride, where the whole point is to celebrate all types of experiences. I’d also like to remind people that sexuality is a spectrum and being bisexual doesn’t have only mean 50/50 attraction to both genders. There are plenty of bisexual/pan sexual people who tend to have stronger attraction to one gender but it doesn’t mean they aren’t attracted to others. Like, if your type as a straight woman is brunette nerds that doesn’t mean you aren’t occaisonally going to find the blonde jock hot and have a fling. There’s also a difference between romantic and sexual preference; someone may prefer romantic relationships with women but enjoy sex with men, or vice versa.

If a couple I otherwise perceived as cisgender and straight identified as queer, I would assume one or both are not 100% heterosexual and not that they are trying to claim it attention. Circles where being queer is the “cool” thing are still incredibly limited. Yes, if your friends are all gender studies professors in a blue city maybe it’s more cool to be queer. But the vast majority of us do not live in that bubble, and our older family members, work colleagues, etc, don’t find queer to be “cool” and even if they accept it, there are implicit biases at play. I would assume people identifying as queer are doing so because it is authentic for them and not to unlock some some theoretical benefits of queerness. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics