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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Kind of a mess. My youngest is heading to college, so we are looking at an empty nest. DH and I have a strong marriage and found plenty to do pre-kids.  In fact, having kids and losing the freedom to pick up and go— away for the night, to a nice dinner, etc. was a huge adjustment.  But I’m not sure yet how we navigate back to that mentality of having so much freedom.

My first kid started college in Fall 2020, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought, because we were so focused on the logistics of getting him to school during COVID, uncertainty over whether the college would stay open, anxiously watching COVID numbers at his college— and supporting our HS junior through DL. And he started late, was home Thanksgiving to 2/1, etc.  long breaks.

This kid will be different because she was home for more than a year of DL and we became very close.  I’m going to miss the heck out of her.  And yes, it seems surreal.

I’m trying to practice gratitude. This was always the goal, right— to have a happy, healthy, well adjusted kid ready to leave the nest  and start their own lives after graduation.  She’s excited for college, and I believe she is ready academically and adulting wise.  I know kids she grew up with who crashed during COVID and are going the CC transfer route because of junior year grades (they’ll end up fine, but for now they are unhappily living at home, often with a lot of friction); kids with SNs who may never be able to leave home; parents of kids with EDs or substance abuse or significant mental health issues who are very scared of how their kid will manage.

I believe I did my job as a parent well— or at least gave it 100%.  But there was also luck involved to getting DD to this place. There but for the Grace of God.

So, I’m trying to be grateful both kids got into very good fit colleges; they are healthy, happy and productive; they both came out of COVID with mental health intact; even if we hit a recession, we have help from grandparents and savings and can get them through college without loans (them or us). These are amazing outcomes 18 years of hard work.

Sometimes being grateful works. And sometimes thinking about DD leaving hurts so much it feels like a physical pain. It’s going to be a rocky couple of months.

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A lot of that pain is the realization that this major, major part of our lives is essentially over. Yes, we'll always be their parents, but their childhood is over. They may come back and live with us, but they'll be adults, living and leading their own lives. It's such a huge adjustment, like turning an ocean liner. Yes, we'll get there and adjust to this new phase of our lives, but letting go, looking back wistfully at all the beautiful moments we shared with them growing up, is really hard and almost physically painful. I find myself looking back on my oldest child's junior year in high school when I was ferrying her back and forth to games as one of the happiest years of my life. College felt so far away, and we were living absolutely in the moment. She was anxious and excited about the next game, and I was there with her, with no time to think about anything else. I'd hoped to repeat that with my youngest, but she spent her junior year on our couch due to the pandemic. And now, she's about to leave for college, and I'm happy for her, but bereft too. Children are the most important, precious things in our lives, and we have to let them go. [/quote]

Right!  The whole point of raising kids is to eventually see them grow up into functioning adults who go out and explore the world.  So while we miss our kids, we are thrilled that they are thriving at college and post college in jobs/off on their own.  Because ultimately, we don't really want them living in our basement when they are 30.

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