Reply to I just don't like my husband anymore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I have been where you are. I was very close to separating from my husband for similar reasons. He's a great guy, great dad, great everything, and yet, I didn't like being around him, couldn't talk honestly with him, started thinking about other men (no action whatsoever, just daydreams), and started wondering whether I'd ever feel happy again. Finally, we went to counseling, and it didn't help at all! In fact, counseling made things much, much worse. So, I decided to talk openly to DH. I told him about my daydreams, what I wanted, what I was missing, what I couldn't stand about him, etc. etc. etc. I wasn't mean or angry, just sad and disappointed. I can't say there was anything instant, but after a while, DH started paying attention, and changing his behavior. He started acting more like the man I'd fallen in love with, and less like the boring jerk he'd turned into, post kids.  Now I'd say things are not perfect, but they are better, and no, I don't think we'll divorce ever. I think it's hard to stay married, hard to stay "in love" if that's even possible, but it is possible to stay connected, and that, in our case, is what is keeping us together. Were I so miserable that I couldn't stand living in the same house with DH, I'd make plans to get out of the marriage. I don't know if that's the case with you, OP, but you don't sound extremely unhappy, just dissatisfied. Life is short, OP, and if you are much unhappier than you are letting on here in this forum, then you need to get thee to a counselor so you can be honest with yourself and your DH about what's happening. You will have to deal with your DH forever since you share two children, so better communication will be essential regardless of whether or not you stay together. Don't hang together for the sake of the kids. That does not work, OP! It only leads to lies and cheating (whether imaginary or not), and creating a false front (lying!) for your children, who will see through it sooner or later. They KNOW what real happiness is, and will know that you are portraying happiness, but don't feel it. Find happiness if you must, OP, and ignore those who are so harsh. Unlike the old days, you are not stuck with your husband forever, and you do have the option of leaving if you decide that you simply cannot tolerate staying together with him. But make that decision together, OP, in concert with this man you are going to be tied to forever, regardless of whether or not you remain married. [/quote]

I'm actually pretty content with all aspects of my life except my relationship with DH. I told DH how dissatisfied I was with our marriage. In the past, he'd brush it off and tell me how good I have it. He seemed to think money could solve our problems. Material items may give you instant gratification but as cliche as it sounds, money cannot buy happiness. He has also become somewhat of an elitist, which I find terribly irritating. The confidence that I was once attracted to has become ugly and unattractive. I don't think DH understood how serious I was about separating.

DH acknowledges that he has not put in any effort into us. With a demanding career and two young children, he confessed that he has no energy to put in effort for me. He thinks the problem is that I never loved him but only his efforts. We are both going to try for the best of our children. Instead of giving our 110% to our kids, we are going to put some effort into each other. By doing that, we are both hoping that our family will survive.[/quote]

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