Reply to I just don't like my husband anymore

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, what struck me about your post is how non-specific it was, and nowhere did you discuss any attempts at trying to make the marriage work or address the problems. Its as if you view marriage as something that just happens, and either its good because you love your husband and he loves you, or its not good and if its not good and you're not happy then he must be the wrong guy. But in fact, marriage is a lot of work, love is something you have to consciously create and nurture. And relationships grow and change. People are gently telling you to grow up because it doesn't sound like you've done the hard emotional work of figuring out what it is that you're not happy about and addressing it--nowhere do you discuss any effortts you have put into trying to change the dynamic. Does your husband even know how you feel? Do you two talk about stuff? . You imagine that there is some better soulmate out there who will make you happy--but that's not the answer. Maybe you'd be happier in a different relationship, who knows, but your job right now is to figure out why you're not currently happy and then do something about it. You're not dating, you're married with children so get into therapy, figure out the roots of your vague discontent, communicate with your husband and try your damnedest to make it work. [/quote]

I'm purposely vague. I'm often surprised at the specific details that are posted on this forum.

Yes, DH knows that I would have left this marriage if it were not for the kids. I'm not sure why it is difficult to comprehend that a spouse could be dissatisfied with the marriage. We are merely roommates that share childcare duties. DH does not abuse me (physically or emotionally). He is overall a decent guy. There are no clear dealbreakers. I just don't love or even like him. Many people may think my spouse is great based on his credentials, looks and ability to perform in a social setting. They would probably be shocked at the unhappiness behind closed doors. Like many men, DH was a great athlete and enjoys playing and watching sports. While I found ex bfs who were athletes to be attractive, I find it highly irritating when DH watches or plays sports. This may be due to the time it takes away from assisting with childcare.

In hindsight, I think I married too early. I married the perfect guy on paper. All my mom's friends are envious that I married so well. He loved me so much. I thought I loved him but I don't think I ever did. Now I don't even like him. Another couple we knew looked perfect on paper but recently divorced. We would be in the same boat except we have two young children.

To the poster who accused me of already cheating, I am not cheating. I occasionally find men attractive and wonder if I would be better off divorced. I don't doubt someone out there would make me happier. I think about divorce constantly. Then I look at my children and don't want to break up our family. [/quote]

You have serious, serious issues. I understand being vague but there is simply no logical connection between any of the sentences you are posting. Are you medicated right now? That or there is some big huge issue at the center of this which you refuse to discuss so everything else sounds petty. If not, believe me, divorce will not solve this. It's all you.[/quote]

You think I'm medicated because I dislike my spouse? Since more than half of marriages end in divorce, I doubt that I am the only wife out there who dislikes her husband.[/quote]

WOW. I am a new poster who is going to stand up for you. I am going through a divorce, and I have three children. In my situation, there is NO alternative but divorce, but I will not disclose the reasons on this particular thread.

I don't think that you are being vague. You are very specific about the fact that you are unhappy. Your "sentences" are logical. I think I know many moms like you.

I don't even know if you are real or not, but if you are, I want to let you know that you do not deserve the bizarre attacks I'm reading here. Your feelings are valid, and I hope that you are seeing a therapist - or that you will start seeing one soon. You are facing huge decisions. Every study indicates that children whose parents fight often, or who treat each other with contempt, will suffer emotionally. This is more important to their life-long emotional stability than whether or not their parents are divorced. If you are really unhappy and incompatible with your "perfect on paper" husband, your children will know this, and they will suffer. For the 20-50 percent of people in non-perfect marriages, this is something they don't want to hear about. It's very uncomfortable. You think, "Gee, we're able to provide for our three amazing children to go to private school, to have all these wonderful privileges and experiences, etc. etc." Our kids are in an "intact" family. We go to a million school events. Tons of parties! Our kids ski. They travel. They speak three languages. We don't have a perfect marriage - my husband is really an asshole, but we'll stay together for ten more years - for the kids.

But are these kids given the most important things that parents can give them: a loving, open, honest, happy family? This is such a tough question. And OP, only with lots of therapy can you answer this question. I know some fabulous divorced moms and dads. I know tons of re-married families with great, happy kids. Will I be one of them? I have NO idea! Would I have left my husband if I were you, given the info you provided? I'm not sure.

But what I know is that you do NOT deserve the shit that's been thrown at you on this thread. I think that your post has threatened a LOT of people here. Many women are staying in marriages with less-than-ideal husbands. For security. You're threatening them. And honestly, I would be threatened too, if I read this post a year ago.

Be strong. Get help. Figure it all out. I just had to jump in and say that your posts make sense.

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