Reply to How to drop the rope re mental load?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. I am starting to view it as a fundamental lack of respect for me and my time. Literally he won’t make the effort to walk over to the fridge and see if we have milk? Can’t be bothered to do anything himself- forget foresight and thinking ahead of what needs to be done.

I legitimately have to ask him to clean up after himself. I cannot imagine doing this for another ten years. Forget till we are old I’ll end up trying to stick a fork in his eye  [/quote]

I think you have to try to stop viewing it that way. There are lots of other reasons he might be acting this way, including the possibility that so far this has been the dynamic and he thinks you’re basically fine with it.

What makes people respect you is boundaries. You have to stop hoping he will change just because you ask him to or because it bothers you. Men don’t respond to words, they respond to action. And give him some grace, this will take time to change. [/quote]

+1 you need to work on setting boundaries OP. Your husband needs to work on stuff too, but you can’t control him, so work on yourself first. Responding with snarkiness or anger will not improve the situation. You need to have a calm convo with DH about what is going on, and how these questions are sometimes triggering your anger since you feel you are responsible for a disproportionate amount of work running the family. Acknowledge that you should have brought this problem up sooner instead of letting it fester. Before you discuss this, I would write down all the routine aspects of running a household (lawn, house repairs, trash, cars, heath appointments, etc etc) and who is doing those tasks now. It could be your husband is doing more than your realize. Maybe not. Once you have a clear picture, set up a meeting with DH to discuss family tasks and agree on who is responsible for what. If he’s not willing to do this, even when you’ve approached the situation very rationally and without anger, that tells you a lot about who he is. [/quote]

I did this a few months ago. Wrote down everything I handle. Asked him to write down everything he handles. We compared. My list was probably 8x his. After he saw my list- he then came back and started ADDING and padding things that either were one time items (managed ds circumcision care) or Things that are honest to god made up  (making sure internet/Hulu  is working and set up)

His response to seeing how little he does was to be defensive and petty. 
As I write this, I hear him saying to dd “tell mommy you need to potty so she can take you.”

Uhh no. You’re sitting with her. TAKE HER. Don’t just pawn everything on me.[/quote]

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