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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Unwarranted suspicion that a trusted caretaker is stealing funds is very common sign of age-related cognitive decline. Do not take it personally. Do protect yourself and your mother however from your brother, who clearly values his potential financial windfall over the quality of his mother’s end-of-life care. That indicates he cannot be trusted.[/quote]

This brief statement basically is asking you to do what may be impossible. Has she been diagnosed with dementia or is she willing to get an evaluation? If not, it is very difficult to "protect" because as long as she is considered cognitively competent, she has free will. My experience is there is a period of time where they can still pass the dementia screen, where they show these signs of losing it and that seems to be the prime time family takes advantage and even convinces the elder not to get evaluated. There is nothing you can do unless doctors deem her incompetent.

Also, people tell you not to take it personally when they heap accusations and even tantrum at you, but unless you medicate yourself into oblivion most caring people find it hard not to take it personally. There is also another aspect. Sometimes they become increasingly agitated when you visit and then you have to decide is it worth it. The parent gets so upset and worked up with delusions and you take weeks to recover from the behaviors. Sometimes it's easier to manage things from behind the scenes and attempt visits, but make an excuse to leave at the first sign of trouble if you cannot deescalate.

Regarding the money OP and your mom's AL, be prepared for the worst. If she is considered competent she can make him POA and he can move her. He can even get her to take you out of the will. It happens. If she knew your brother was trouble many years ago, then this is partly on her for going into denial and not meeting with a lawyer to figure out how to protect herself. Those of us doing the caregiving join support groups and know the realities of what can happen in families and how important it is to do things like CCRC and to protect assets. I find the ones who did less or who went into denial or who had an easy experience and just tuned out the horror stories of others...don't prepare. You cannot do in your health and sanity trying to "protect" a person still considered capable of making her own decisions.[/quote]

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