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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kid can act that way at other people's houses. She also acts that way at home often, but she can also bounce off the walls, be extremely rude, and throw fits. That's kids (she's in preschool).

One particularly devious thing my kid will do at a friend's house is notice that the friend's parent is exasperated with the friend's poor behavior, and intentionally show off her manners and calmness to show she's "better" than the other kid. I don't know if the other parents can tell this is happening but I can. Partly it makes me laugh (to myself, exclusively), but it also partly exasperates ME because probably her biggest challenging behavior right now is that she is so incredibly competitive over everything. We are working on addressing this behavior now, before her friends start figuring out what she's doing (if they haven't already -- young kids are very intuitively smart about social behavior) and getting angry with her for making them look bad. It's hard!

The point is, no young child is 100% well behaved all the time, and if they were, I'd worry about them! Kids need safe places to let it all hang out. They are still new to being people and actually a lot is expected of them at school and in daycare. Lots and lots of rules, and they have very limited control over their lives. It's normal for them to be especially terrible at home because that's their safe place; your kids are likely better behaved away from home, especially when you aren't around.[/quote]

OP here.  That is kind of funny and kind of true.  I mean it was almost over the top so I wonder if that's what was going on.  And then it made my child really annoyed and angry and was accusing me of thinking the friend was "better".

Also what PPs mentioned is also true.  They are much better at other people's houses, but still nowhere near where this child was.  It's also true that they are much better behaved when they are solo.  Something about being around each other brings out this crazy energy.

They are 10 and 8 and naturally argumentative and oppositional.  [b]So is my husband, but they all gang up on me because they think I am the one who gets bent out of shape about it.  My husband turns it around and says I'm the one picking fights when he is just "discussing" and "talking" and that I am uptight.  He laughs when our kids say things like "Shut it, mom, I don't want to hear it" and when I set boundaries, I'm seen as the bad guy.[/b]

[/quote]

So, there is letting your kids be a bit wilder and not embracing the strict school of parenting, and then there is your husband allowing your kids to bully you.  The bolded is a big problem for me, OP.  Not because your kids are teasing or a little wild, but because you and your husband are not on the same page.  And, at best, he is gaslighting you and teaching your kids to disrespect you.  You guys need to be a team, full stop.

This is less a parenting question and more a marriage counseling question to my read.[/quote]
Agree, except it’s both a marriage and a parenting issue now. OP, this is absolutely not OK. Your husband is not treating you with the respect you deserve. If you want to stay with him, he needs to change his behavior and you both need to address the kids’ rudeness and boundary problems as a team. If one of my kids told either of us to “shut it” at that age all hell would have broken out in our house. [/quote]

Tell me exactly what would have happened in your house if one of your kids did say that?  I am genuinely asking because I have been living in this world too long, with a family who all think I am the crazy person who gets bent out of shape.[/quote]

DH and I would have gone dead quiet and asked the kid in a shocked way what they just said. Then explained very sternly that we absolutely do not speak to each other like this in our family and they need to apologize immediately. If they refused they lose privileges. Then a longer and more mellow talk at bedtime about how important it is to treat other people respectfully and examples of that. [/quote]

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