Reply to How to tell adult son he needs to move out without distancing him or coming across as if we dont car

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP - I think you and DH need to have an adult conversation with your DS and likely a continuing one and set house rules on what he will be expected to be doing as an adult member making clear he not a guest but an adult family member while he takes active action to move on in life.   No question that mom is not doing his laundry, preparing meals for him or dad out doing the yard wor, since junior is home and able bodied to do so.  It is reasonable to let him know that his access to your car if he does not have one on his own will become more limited if he
does not get a job.

Then in the conversation, you also need to indicate when you will stop paying for any expenses for him if you are covering any except for health insurance and your car insurance for him.  You will make little progress in having him move out/move on in his own life if you do not go over his finances and with him and give him a realistic idea of what living on his own in a shared apartment or house would cost.  Also, if you are near public transportation, get information on how he would use it to find a job when out on his own. You and DH in supportive way need to be able to express your concern that he might have underlying depression/anxiety and request that he be willing to go for a mental health evaluation starting with your family doctor.   If he is unwilling to see a doctor on this topic, it could be a real red flag.

If he is homebound, the one thing I can think of is to let him know that you will purchase a fitness center membership for him for six months so that he would have a place to go daily in reestablishing an up and out routine.  If he is physically healthy, then I see no reason not to let him know that as part of the agreement that you will continue to provide room and board that he needs to take steps to be out-of-the house daily doing something - going to the local employment office, working for a temp agency at least 20 hours, volunteering while not being employed full-time because that would at least help to fill a resume, going to the gym.  He will make the choices about what he is doing but together you might set some markers on progress on a job.  [b]You and DH might also benefit from some professional guidance in knowing how to assist your son from moving on[/b][/quote]

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