Reply to How do you do it with no family around?

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[quote=Anonymous]The closest we've lived to anyone from either of our families since we've had kids is a 4 hour drive away. There are pros and cons, actually.
Pros: 
-the weekends are entirely ours. If our extended families were local, I know we'd be getting together w/ them nearly every weekend and there would always be a certain amount of guilt if we didn't feel like getting together on a particular weekend or didn't invite them to an event or whatever.
-we put more thought and effort into planning vacations and holidays together so that time is more intentional and well-planned. We recently took a beach trip with my extended family that had been planned for almost a year. It was nice that since we don't get together that often, everyone put a lot of thought and effort into making it a really special trip whereas I feel like if we saw each other all the time we wouldn't have planned something like that.
-the kids get really excited to see their grandparents and cousins since they rarely get the chance.
-if your parents or in laws have different parenting styles than you, it would make it difficult to use them as caregivers for your kids or even to really have them around your kids a lot and some distance makes it that they won't be regular caregivers which takes some pressure off. I know if my in laws lived locally, for example, they'd always be offering to babysit but I don't really want them to because they do things way differently than I would and I don't feel as though they watch the kids attentively enough. Whenever we leave the kids w them it seems someone gets hurt or lost or we come home to something broken in the house/a big mess.
-it forces you to make friends and build a community, not just always rely on family

Cons:
-it would be great to have some help w/ childcare from family nearby. We can get babysitters but it's just not the same as having a grandparent or uncle/aunt you really trust.
-it would be wonderful to know you have someone to call in an emergency that can get to you quickly. We've had to create this for ourselves w/ neighbors and friends since we don't have local family.
-I wish our kids got to know their extended family on a deeper level from more frequent interaction. I wish grandparents and aunts/uncles etc could show up for sporting events and such. I wish my kids could play w/ their cousins more often.

There is no one great way to have it in life. Just try to build a community around yourself for support and hire help if you can. You and your spouse always work together and don't let one of you become overburdened w/ parenting and household stuff. Do your equal share.
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