Reply to How do you do it with no family around?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For what it’s worth, I do not think it’s that hard. My spouse helps a TON, but together we manage it well. I’ve never lived near family so maybe I’d feel differently if we had family help, then moved, but it’s all we know and it works.

And no I’m not saying everyone has to feel like I do but there’s a lot of “it’s horrifically hard” comments here and I actually feel the opposite, so sharing my experience. [/quote]

For us, it was hard, but not soul crushing and we had nothing to compare it to.  So I have no idea what regular first time mom “newborn stage” shock looks like vs our life.  There was never a scenario in which we were going to have help.  We hired a weekly cleaner and ordered takeaway for dinner a lot.  But we knew going in that we didn’t have family to help us.  We knew we were 3,000+ miles away from family, and I mentally prepared for the worst.  We ended up with a high needs baby and I had PPD, and that sh!t sucked.  Bigtime.  We were overtired and argued and we all cried at times, but we muddled through the best we could.  Was I envious AF of folks who had siblings and parents around to pick up the slack?  You bet.  But since our moms were (still are, just in case that sounds off) dead and we have 1 sibling and 1 functional dad between us, both in another country, the alternative was to not have a kid.  So we did what needed doing and got through the baby stage with our twisted senses of humor and family unit intact.

There are absolutely things I would change if I had a magic wand.  My kid’s broken digestive system for starters.  My own crushing depression/anxiety for a close second.  And it goes without saying that I’d wish for my mom, not just for help, but because i miss her daily.  But within reasonable parameters (I know there are extreme cases and I’m not talking about that), you just do what needs doing and that’s what normal looks like for your family.

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