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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there are two different things going on here. One is you like to do things differently than them and compromise is hard but normal. You have probably gone on trips/outing with other people that require some compromise right? Regardless of if you are paying for yourself or whatever. I would ask them what is most important to them to do *together* and try to do that thing or one of those things each day. You (your DH) can say upfront you want to do some of your favorite things on vacation but you want to spend time with them doing their favorite things so it’s going to be a balance. People like to be asked and heard. Then just do the other stuff the way you want and smile and say “looking forward to happy hour!” When you are going back to the house for lunch. And make sure you all signal your enjoyment of your time with them. My ILs desperately want to feel we are making special memories together and I understand that and try to demonstrate that we are.

But rude comments about your choices are not ok. If they call a dinner you ordered wasteful you say, I really don’t appreciate that. Or please stop criticizing this choice. My DH has had to say something like this a few times and it doesn’t go over well but frankly is something my kids need to see. People can disagree but not repeatedly criticize your decisions. It will get better if you establish that the rude comments are not ok. Your SIL has probably already done this work. For things that are in between like oh we made too much food just literally walk away with out engaging. You don’t have to be the audience for that drama. Give it a try, I think since they are able to respect SIL boundaries they will for you if you train them. If not, no more trips [/quote]

Me again- ha this post really brought up some memories of early in the relationship trips with my very very rigid in laws. The thing that I had to accept is that they will always feel their way is the bed way and when you do something their way, it isn’t a compromise, it’s you finally making the “right” choice. My FIL will basically say that-“see isn’t this so much better than (thing you would very much prefer to be doing)? And if say no I would rather be jet skiing or whatever they feel personally rejected. So we just say I’m really enjoying spending time with YOU. But make sure you do at least some of what you want. They will not understand, ever, but they have to respect it and they (usually) can. It takes some training.

But if you are also feeling a little rigid (maybe this is your only vacation for the year, so it’s very hard to compromise) it’s just not going to work. We do trips the way we like it and view vacation with my in-laws as something different- something half vacation and half sacrifice out of love because it means a lot to them.[/quote]

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