Reply to How do I shut down toxic positivity from friends in a nice way?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP I am/was in your exact situation but with one kid and a bit further along in the process. You have articulated so well why it is hard to hear other people's positivity on this. I am happy to listen to you and give you a view from further along.

Spoiler, I have not found someone, dating is all but impossible, money is tight, and it all feels like so much to handle alone. Throw in some health scares & I was just about ready to resign earlier this year. It is in many ways still better than the walking on eggshells, the constant paranoia and living in fear/silence/double life of living with an abuser while maintaining a facade to the world; the unpredictable but frequent attacks & rage benders, the violence, ignoring the drinking and its effects, the hours and days lost to hammer calls, leaving the house with kid to be away from him, nights in hotels to be safe, constant barrage of insults and verbal abuse, constant taking away of anything resembling hope or dreams.

That said, my hopes and dreams will not come true now anyway. Life is just a struggle to get by, and my kid has a much less of what they deserve in life, and is growing up with just a fraction of one parent who is constantly too busy with work and adulting to be really present. Dad swoops in from time to time but I have otherwise full custody. One parent is not enough, at least when that parent is me.

Friends have been wonderful and stuck around but because I value their friendship so much I have been very limited in dumping my situation & feelings on them. Even with that they feel more distant in some ways than before. I think they want me to be "healthy" and "in a better pace" and if they plan to be friends with me cannot really accept that my life is not that good and probably will not get better. Basically they have to either deny my reality or spend more time with better-off friends. It's sad but in midlife most people do not have time for anyone who is not a net positive or improvement or has something to offer their own life. My best friend dumped me during my divorce too and she was the one person I thought I could be honest with. It's lonely and although I am still young enough to anesthetize myself with the thought that maybe something will change, time will tell, and I am just dealing with the reality that the best part of my life probably already happened. [/quote]

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