Reply to Grandparent bypassed parent to make plans directly with young child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. For a little background, my father is constantly trying to make plans on behalf of other people. When I was pregnant he announced that he expected to spend at least one weekend per month visiting without asking me if that would work. He buys tickets to visit and I have to dodge his calls so he doesn’t actually just show up. No amount of time spent together is enough.

I don’t know what the diagnosis is, but it doesn’t seem normal. [/quote]

OK, so what are YOU going to do? You can’t change him, so what are YOU going to do to protect yourself and your family from a bad dynamic? Stop talking about his problems or diagnoses or whatever. What are YOU going to do?[/quote]
I have repeatedly told him that he needs to clear his plans with me, but the message still hasn’t been received. What else can I do except cut off all communication?[/quote]

Tell them that the ball is in their court: Either they can agree to run ideas or plans by you first, or you won’t be able to visit. It is then THEIR choice whether they see you or communicate with you or not. “Let me know when we’re on the same page about this, and then we can plan our next visit.” If he springs something on you, “Unfortunately, we’re still on the same page, so I need to go. Let me know when we’re on the same page.”[/quote]
Visits are a bigger investment than that. It’s a plane-ride away, so I can’t just pick up and leave. I feel like my only option is not to have a relationship. My sister also thinks my dad is crazy, so I’m not the only one. [/quote]

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