Reply to Worth breaking up over a birthday?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If something is really important to you, you shouldn't pretend like it isn't. Since you are dating and you have the past experiences with your ex and your BF knows that, it would be weird if he didn't do something. But you have to not catastrophize. [/quote]

This.  You get to decide what's important to you in a relationship, OP.

That said, wait and see if he does something, either before your trip or after you return.  If nothing, you might consider ONE TIME explicitly telling him, that was really important to me, so wtf?

You could also just end it, again, if he does nothing.  Having to spell everything out for people can get really old, especially if you've already been reasonably clear.  Some people require more spoon-feeding than others, and it's fine to decide you don't want to do that for the rest of your life.[/quote]

OP: Thank you, you pretty much nailed it. He is a wonderful guy. I just don't want to have to tell someone/remind someone to do something (anything!) nice on a birthday for the rest of my life, already knowing and feeling what that is like given my experience. But you're right, I will wait to see if there is anything either before or after.[/quote]

If this is a pattern for you, I think you should just break up now, and save both of you a lot of grief. You’re spiraling on about what you don’t want to have to do for the rest of your life — about someone you’ve known for six months.  You’re also going on about how important having a “nice” birthday is that fits your fantasies — but don’t want to have the very adult conversation that clearly expresses your expectations AND leaves room for someone with very different traditions.

If you are focusing on “already knowing and feeling what that is like given (your) experience, you are also conveniently or pathologically overlooking the very important fact that your “experience “ hasn’t been with this “wonderful “ guy.

I think you should have a wonderful birthday, and I genuinely hope you do. But I also really feel for this poor guy who is at risk of spending the rest of his life getting sucked into your spiraling expectations based on your experiences with other people. You get to decide what’s important for you in a relationship. So does he. Even if you have the most glorious birthday celebration ever, maybe you two should have a frank and open talk about your expectations for your relationship together, and whether you genuinely feel you are compatible.

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I find it surprising that OP is past the age of 40. Her kind of attitude is very child-like. [/quote]

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