Reply to Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "Why are people here so averse to pushing their kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have four adult children of well above average intelligence and privilege.  I did have high expectations of them, and in retrospect they were too high.  My expectations didn't put their "mental health" at risk, but it did put our relationship at risk.  [b]I know what you're thinking -- that's a risk worth taking, because they'll thank you for pushing them when they're adults -- but you need to recognize that there's a thin line between pushing and pushing too hard[/b].
 
If you push too hard, and your kid doesn't rise to your expectations, they're still likely to end up just fine as adults generally and mental health wise, but not think very well of you as a parent have a strained relationship with you.  I'm lucky that that hasn't happened with me, but it easily could have, and it did happen with a lot my kids' friends and their parents.

Your kid is still young, OP.  With the benefit of hindsight, I can tell you that most of things that you have outlined in your litany of expectations mean very little to adult success and happiness in the long run.   Your strategy is high risk for low reward.

Of course, I don't expect that you'll actually listen to my advice or any of the other sound advice being offered here.  Clearly, that's not why you're here.

[/quote]

OP here. Okay, so there's a thin line between pushing and pushing too hard. Where do you think that line is? I don't think I'm anywhere close to it, at least compared to the parents around me (travel sports parents are the most aggressive when it comes to pushing IME). But how did you realize that you pushed too hard instead of appropriately? Did your own kids tell you? IMO kids are not the best judges of whether our parenting was appropriate or not. [/quote]

I knew at the time that I was pushing [i]pretty[/i] hard, and had you asked me then I would have been like you and said I don't think I was pushing [i]too[/i] hard, but as adults they let me know that yes, at times, I pushed too hard.

It really doesn't matter, though, because again you're really not here for advice anyway.

Also, you're being disingenuous when you say you're not doing what you're doing for college admissions purposes.  First, what you're forcing your kid to do looks a lot like lines 1-4 in a college application.  Second, you're posting on the college admissions thread and not, say, the teen/tween thread.

You're a Tiger Mom.  Maybe it'll work, and maybe it won't.  And when your kid is an adult maybe you'll have a good relationship or maybe you won't.  But playing a sport in high school, for example, will not have a meaningful impact on your kid's success or happiness as an adult.  Of that I can assure you.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics