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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why would you want to enable your mother to dump her feelings on others and ruin a holiday for everyone else? She's responsible for managing her behavior and she gets to deal with the consequences of when she doesn't. And if you feel guilty about this, then you're still too emeshed with caring for her emotions.[/quote]

THIS! You are not a "good girl" for worrying about abusive mommy's feelings. You need help. Why do you care more about a perp than about the victim?

In my family the daughter who is most enmeshed with abusive mommy likes to think of herself as a saint for caring so much. She cannot comprehend why her own daughter considers her abusive. She didn't break the pattern because she was too enmeshed and now she risks estrangement with with her own daughter. [/quote]

+1 I have a lot of unhappy holiday memories from growing up with toxic extended family members. I still can’t help but resent my mother for not doing more to shield me from it and now with my own family we tend to spend more holidays with my in-laws.[/quote]

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