Reply to I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage

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Reply to "I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Plenty of women feel like you do.  What was so surprising hanging out with the other SAHMs was how many of them function this way.  There is an entire ecosystem of competitive Alpha women trying to get the socially Beta women to be caregivers for their kids -- but the Alphas still get the social credit.  T[b]ake field day for example: the choice jobs which are high social credit and low effort or mentally interesting already went to the inner political circle before you even had a chance at the sign up. [/b] [/quote]

That's real. I stopped volunteering for stuff through the PTA when I realized I would always be handed the least desirable job so that the group of women who all know each other and run everything could do something easier where they can socialize and take credit for things. I'd wind up hauling pumpkins off truck sin 90 degree heat for 3 hours while the women in charge would sit at a table in the shade and take money and chat with everyone. At first I thought it was luck of the draw but then realized it was a system and I decided to stop being the grunt labor for them. I don't even attend PTA meetings anymore. I have an only child and we're halfway through, I don't intend to remember these people's names in a few years (most don't even have kids in my child's grade so there is zero reason for me to kiss up to them or facilitate their desire to run the show here).[/quote]

NP. We are at a private school so I don’t know how different or “political” the actual PTA stuff is at public, but at our school the lady in the shade handing out raffle tickets is usually the one who spent weeks or months planning the event, and every other school event, for free. If I have to haul pumpkins or run a game for a couple hours in the sun, I’ll pick that literally any day over having to do all that other shit. Bonus is that all the other parents apparently hate her guts for doing it.[/quote]

Maybe if she learned to delegate then she wouldn't have had to do that all by herself. What I've found is that a core group of 5 or so women do most of the PTA stuff no matter how often the rest of us volunteer or ask how we can help. Then we're finally told "you can help by hauling these pumpkins in 90 degree heat" which we do, because we want to contribute. And then the 5 women in charge complain about how no one helps (hi, what does it look like I'm doing over here with these pumpkins, learning to juggle?) and no one appreciates what they do (how would I know, you ignore my efforts to get involved except like three days before an event).

I go to PTA meetings, I attend and volunteer at events, I've offered to donate time and professional services to the the PTA -- they are non responsive and disinterested, and regularly can't remember my name even the 10th or 11th time we meet. They know each other and are friends, and would rather hold that clique together and martyr themselves to this cause than create a more inclusive PTA where more people actually pitch in and get involved.

And it's self-perpetuating because the more they behave this way, the more other parents just kind of give up on it and decide "you know what, I'm tired of trying to be involved and getting rebuffed, I will donate to the annual fundraiser and call it a day." Which then enables them to complain about how no one helps.

This is what happens when people with very limited management or organizing skills run things. [/quote]

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